What Does It Mean to Be the Family of God?

Colossians 3:12-3:17

Max Lucado, in his book In The Grip of Grace tells the story of the family of God in the form of a parable. He writes, “God has enlisted us in his navy and placed us on his ship. The boat has one purpose — to carry us safely to the other shore. This is no cruise ship. . . . We aren’t called to a life of leisure, we are called to a life of service. Each of us has a different task. Some, concerned with those who are drowning, are snatching people from the water. Others are occupied with the enemy, so they man the cannons of prayer and worship. Still others devote themselves to the crew, feeding and training the crew members. Though different, we are the same. Each can tell of a personal encounter with the captain, for each has received a personal call. He found us among the shanties of the seaport and invited us to follow him. Our faith was born at the sight of his fondness, and so we went. We each followed him across the gangplank of his grace onto the same boat. There is one captain and one destination. Though the battle is fierce, the boat is safe, for our captain is God. The ship will not sink. For that, there is no concern.

There is concern, however, regarding the disharmony of the crew. When we first boarded we assumed the crew was made up of others like us. But as we’ve wandered these decks, we’ve encountered curious converts with curious appearances. Some wear uniforms we’ve never seen, sporting styles we’ve never witnessed. ‘Why do you look the way you do?’ we ask them. ‘Funny,’ they reply, ‘we were about to ask the same of you.’ The variety of dress is not nearly as disturbing as the plethora of opinions. There is a group, for example, who clusters every morning for serious study. They promote rigid discipline and somber expressions. ‘Serving the captain is serious business,’ they explain. It’s no coincidence that they tend to congregate around the stern. There is another regiment deeply devoted to prayer. Not only do they believe in prayer, they believe in prayer by kneeling. For that reason you always know where to locate them, they are at the bow of the ship. And then there are a few who staunchly believe real wine should be used in the Lord’s Supper. You’ll find them on the port side. Still another group has positioned themselves near the engine. They spend hours examining the nuts and bolts of the boat. They’ve been known to go below deck and not come up for days. They occasionally are criticized by those who linger on the top deck, feeling the wind in their hair and the sun on their face. ‘It’s not what you learn,’ those topside argue. ‘It’s what you feel that matters.’ And, oh, how we tend to cluster.

Some think once you’re on the boat, you can’t get off. Others say you’d be foolish to go overboard, but the choice is yours. Some believe you volunteer for service, others believe you were destined for the service before the ship was even built. Some predict a storm of great tribulation will strike before we dock, others say it won’t hit until we are safely ashore. There are those who speak to the captain in a personal language. There are those who think such languages are extinct. There are those who think the officers should wear robes, there are those who think there should be no officers at all, and there are those who think we are all officers and should all wear robes. And oh, how we tend to cluster.

And then there is the issue of the weekly meeting at which the captain is thanked and his words are read. All agree on its importance, but few agree on its nature. Some want it loud, others quiet. Some want ritual, others spontaneity. Some want to celebrate so they can meditate, others meditate so they can celebrate. Some want a meeting for those who’ve gone overboard. Others want to reach those overboard but without going over board and neglecting those on board. And, oh, how we tend to cluster.

The consequence is a rocky boat. There is trouble on deck. Fights have broken out. Sailors have refused to speak to each other. There have even been times when one group refused to acknowledge the presence of others on the ship. Most tragically, some adrift at sea have chosen not to board the boat because of the quarreling of the sailors.”

Compare Lucado’s parable to what Paul said in his letter to the Colossians, where he talked about the character of the people of God “clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” He said, “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” The real problem with the average American church is that people who desperately need God are not attracted to it since it looks like any other organization with its politics, cliques, and strife. Someone compared the church to Noah’s ark saying, “The only thing that made them able to tolerate the stink inside was the storm that was raging outside.”

What does it mean to be the family of God? What does it look like for us to live in community? I think the first thing is: A commitment to the hard work of relationships. It is very frustrating when someone says, “I just don’t feel like I fit in. It is hard to get to know people here and feel like I am a part of the group.” Most often these are people who never join a group, become a part of a study group or come to the ministry opportunities — the things that would help them make friends and be a part. Only where there is input can we expect an output. Only when we deposit, can we expect return. Don’t participate, don’t expect. Nothing comes from nothing.

I am often dismayed at how people often have such little committed to relationships and how easily we let go of them. How seldom the people of God practice forgiveness and follow the scripture that says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). Or what about the love chapter of the Bible that says that love “is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Many people cannot let go of their grievances; they keep a list of them in their head. A disagreement or disappointment comes and we are more than ready to let go of our friendship with other people. We just set off and look for new friendships which will last only as long as it takes for us to see that they are imperfect as well. Relationships are hard work, but people are often not willing to do the hard work.

The same thing happens in our relationship to the church — people go from one to the other. In a consumer-based culture we seek some place which will better suit our needs, instead of committing ourselves to a body of believers “for better or for worse.” We are supposed to be a covenant community where the individuals pledge themselves to the larger community. We realize the church is bigger than we are.

Here is the problem as I see it. People are more interested in being right than having right relationships. Let me ask a few questions. Is it more important to Jesus that you are right about doctrine, politics, and cultural and moral issues, or is it more important to him that you have right relationships? Is it more important to Jesus that you are right in your squabble with another person, or is it more important that you remain in love with that other person? Did Jesus say, “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you know how to argue and win a debate”? Did he say, “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you have perfect doctrine”? Did he say, “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you are more righteous than anyone else”? No. He said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). If People are the priority with God. Shouldn’t our primary goal be our relationships with each other?

What does it mean to be the family of God? The second thing it means is: Having compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. These are the words of Scripture. If you always have to be right, you don’t have humility. If you can write people off with whom you disagree, you do not have kindness. If you have to get even and are unwilling to forget a wrong that has been done to you, you do not have mercy. If you condemn people who are less than perfect, then you do not have compassion. If you are easily irritated with others, you don’t have patience. If you are negative and critical toward others, you do not have love.

What does it mean to be the family of God? What does it look like for us to live in community? The third thing is: A willingness to risk. Frankly, it is easier to avoid intimacy with others. It is easier to avoid friendship and withdraw into our own little private world or our personal family. It doesn’t hurt as much. Living in community — really being a part of and living within a community — involves risk. When you open yourself to someone else there is the possibility of being rejected, misunderstood or hurt. When you ask for forgiveness, you may not be given forgiveness. When you try to reconcile with someone, they may not be willing to reconcile. When you want to be close friends with someone, they may not reciprocate. Nevertheless, we are called to take the risk. It is the only way we can be the people of God.